Cancer is sinking in, now that I am here in Chennai, being alone all day in a hotel room reading experiences online helps not one bit. You think cancer happens to someone else. But who am I kidding a few relatives have died of cancer. So it cannot be too far. That fear is definitely there. And then I have to provide support to dad. Help make decisions.
I will say this again, though we have made so many advancements in the medical field we are nowhere near. I suppose we should console ourselves that life expectancy is somewhat increased with all kinds of treatment when only a few years ago cancer was a death sentence.
Work keeps me slightly sane, like normal. But the ache exists. You wonder how death comes to you, and when you see a glimpse of it, it is harsh.
Feel so so sorry for Dad. He succumbed to anti depressants to sleep well at night. He is so scared. We are a family of people who cannot share our feelings for each other. Rarely dad opens up.
How to keep spirits up? And look for small joys?
I want to start my #happinessproject again because I don’t want to wallow in sadness. Does it even make sense?
Five things I am happy for today –
1. A supportive team and boss giving me the time and space to figure out what I want to do
2. A supportive family DH and JSK managing themselves giving me the time to focus on my father
3. Folks online who are open to sharing their experiences, to help us make decisions.
4. Super pampered by hotel staff. Madame Madame Madame. Going out of the way to keep me happy. Indian hospitality is the best.
5. Family of Two and a Half Men keeping me company day and night as I quarantine within the four walls of the room.
Got another covid test done. They came took samples. If I am negative will go home. Dad still wants me to quarantine for 14 days. 😂 Stickler for rules that he is.
Trying to get some help from relatives. But if they come what about covid? Covid doesn’t help. Worst timing. I guess cancer doesn’t wait for the right time.
Will try to write everyday to keep my head clear.
Toodles!