A belly full weekend

I was AVKPO by Friday 8am. 7am was my last VP review for the week. I was wired up and got a lot of work done after that too though. We went out for lunch with colleagues, followed by ice cream and 85deg bakery. Then I left to friend’s office to get Deepavali bakshanam. Yummy in my tummy. 

We were at a Diwali party on Saturday. I was actually kinda bored to go to it. Another Diwali invite came at the same time, later, and I couldn’t switch. I think we are selfish. Second party would have been fun for us with our friends and dotter would not have friends her age to play with. But I gave my word so I we went for the first one where dotter had friends her age to play with. 

We gobbled the yummy idli and sambhar made by a friend among other food. You cannot take the South Indian out of me even if I have managed to stay away from Saravana Bhavan every weekend. 

We went to the Temple and a shop to buy some parathas and samosas for the party, and then to the party. Dotter was tired because she had stayed up late the previous night watching Sarkar. That is a long story on its own, with DH wanting to play cricket and finally couldn’t due to the park closure due to poor air quality. We ended up at the theaters instead of usual Friday friends hangout. 

So anyway, we ate and discussed Sarkar and 96. How can someone not like 96, two women didn’t. Surprisingly the men including K did, and we almost ragged them. It was fun. 

We decided not to burst crackers what with all the fires around us. 

we played Anthakshari! For like 15 minutes with friends Father stealing the show with oldies. Then kiddos wanted to play Telephone. One kid dotters age said ‘ I will marry someone’ !!! Dad said pinjulaye pazhuthachu. And it came out of the telephone as ‘I will marry you’ oops.

Dotter was quiet in the beginning, sleepy and ready to go home. Then friend wanted to have a talent show for the kids and I was like duh just let the kids be, play by themselves. But other kids were excited and actually came up and sang some songs, Tamil school songs, etc etc. JSK didn’t go when called. I knew she wouldn’t. Stand in front of Parents and do something? No way! 
And then she surprised us. Since all the kids her age were standing there doing stuff. It even got to the level of singing ‘ Happy Birthday’. The quality of the program was way down now. JSK gathered some courage to get up. Oh wow. I pretended not to notice. She waited for her turn. And when she got everyone’s attention she went ‘A B C D..’

Everyone started laughing. Someone said ‘ she has the same nakkal as you’ Nakkal and me? That’s all DH! 😂 

After that we couldn’t hold her down. She was all pumped up. Could be the sweets and cakes. They moved on to jokes. Dotter let out a bunch making everyone laugh. She had the right company of kids. 

And when it was time to leave dotter was so wound up she didn’t want to leave. But she promptly fell asleep in the car. 

Sunday was another birthday party for a two year old. I was kinda bored there too. We only knew the parents. To pass time I took control of the camera. I am reading up on some photography for our trip. I played around. Dotter was one of the oldest in the party. But she had fun playing with the balloons nevertheless. 

I heard the usual two year old problems. Been there done that. Ate yummy biriyani. Came home and had a nice family nap caught up with sleep. DH and dotter went swimming while I lazed around in the house doing some prepping for the trip. 

JSK has formed a club with the three of us. Terrifying terrific three. Or the 3Ts. We went under her bunk bed for our secret meetings even though there are only three the of us in the house.😂

Over all a belly full weekend. Regular lazy weekends continue. I hope I don’t have to work more weekends! I don’t want to. Was talking to a friend. I have my priorities in order. 1. Health 2. Family 3. Work. 

If I can be successful at work without sacrificing the first two, I don’t mind it. And it comes down to giving my best between 9 and 5 or 7 and 3 or whatever on week days. I need my 7 hours of sleep. I need my weekends. The saving Grace add I worked last weekend was that I will be back to lazy ones soon. Even an hour sleep lost brings down my productivity. I need to hit the gym regularly. Not for weight loss but to keep my energy levels up. Nobody is going to care at work if something happens to me. I am replaceable. I am not in my family.

Yes I would like to be a VP someday but not by sacrificing my other priorities. It just doesn’t add  up right. 

I was talking to my dad and he said the same. Don’t need more money. We have enough. Take care of health which means no stress. Stress kills me as it does my dad. Daddy is depressed I think. I see his point. Thatha is not doing well. He is like me, need to consciously take efforts to find humor and joy in life.

Anyhoo. Happy Monday!

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Mediocrity

So much is happening I don’t have time to record! 

This was the first weekend in a long long time that I worked. I counted the hours. A total of 10, 5 on Saturday and 5 on Sunday thanks to the extra hour. So we didn’t do anything much this weekend, Friday was spent doing German homework, Saturday some REI shopping, Sunday I watched Ratchasan. That’s it. It did help me be prepared for my reviews this week. DH asked me why I wasn’t as stressed out as I would be usually with so many VP meetings. Because I was prepared.

I need to practice the art of making connections and lightening up the tense moods at work. My boss who cracks these dry jokes all the time destresses me. At the end of the day we are all people and we all spend so much time together it better be a nice experience. I don’t want to jinx it but I like the team and my boss. 

I voted! First time ever! 

Had the parent teacher conference this week as well. Academically strong the teacher said. She didn’t say gifted or smart. I am so glad the teacher knows the difference. It is a different league to be there, you are either there or not. Ahem. You don’t prepare to get into the gifted program. There is no gifted program in the school.  I want dotter to be a normal child. Build Social skills. I see confident in her strengths which is a big deal. Needs to learn to self monitor because she keeps socializing during class time. She is good with math understands concepts and applies them quickly the teacher says. I think the 3 days a week math sheets are helping after all. But she struggles with complex indirect problems. She has a block with respect to writing coming up with topics to write about. If she is given a topic she knows about she writes well, with all the writing rules using proper words etc. She has trouble retelling stories. I think she is just lazy. She wants to keep everything fluffy in her head. We need to focus on more non fiction reading. Earth and space and planets have piqued her interest. 

As I heard that it all felt so familiar lol. I keep things fluffy in my head too, have trouble being specific and crisp and clear sometimes. 

Okay we have our goals set. Reading and writing and math. Phew! 

I am struggling to do my presentations too to a certain extent, I could be better. It is all about telling the story, knowing what will be of interest and offer the best story in the time available. I am learning too. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I am glad these are being addressed at this young age. How did I read? I don’t remember us going through levels. No one sat and read with me, I didn’t quite understand every single sentence I read in a fiction novel but it got clearer with time. Their complex indirect math questions are equations with simple multiplication in them I am surprised they are expected to do them. Well I guess they are expected to use addition instead of calling it multiplication. 

Anyhoo. 

We have been trying to practice piano everyday with the recital coming. We are trying to stay ahead of German class so she can follow along in class, 1-2hrs a week. This keeps her busy. 

We recently found out that our landlord’s wife is the CTO of a big company I will not name. she has 4 boys, 4! The youngest was in dotters class. such simple and helpful folks. I realize Jewish folks are very smart and successful. They are a different league. This girls from Israel who didn’t know a word of English when she started Kinder is now in advanced reading group better than kids who are born here hearing English all their lives. Now that is some real smarts. 

Oh well you just work with what you have. I have learnt to live with my mediocrity, though it does hit me time to time, my VP being an Engineering and Business major from MIT, last name screams Jewish genes and my previous two VPs being Israelis too. 

Ok let me prepare for two more reviews before the week ends and I can start dreaming about my vacation. 

Signing off doomed in mediocrity.

The scary week

Halloween is over, phew! Not that I did anything for it but just answering JSK’s how many days to Halloween every morning was getting tiring. Because I would ask her to count down and she would or not depending on her mood.

Anyhoo. I have attended exactly 1 funeral before my mother’s, my thatha’s when I was 15. I don’t remember much. But I do remember vowing not to live beyond 50. 

My paati, periyappa, periamma, many cousin brothers, passed away, while I was conveniently living away.

And then last week a college friend’s father passed away here while he was visiting. It is the saddest thing. I don’t know him, met him at a wedding may be. But my heart went out to her family. I don’t know if I realized the magnitude of the loss until my own mother’s passing. She lost her mother to bone cancer three years ago and I knew that, I don’t know if it hit me. Her father had breathing issues and once it became cold and the heater was turned on he couldn’t get enough oxygen. They are four daughters. One daughter is in India, the rest are here. They didn’t want to do the whole embalming process to take him back to India so they had the funeral service here. I attended. I cried.

 It all came rushing back to me. The suffocation, the breathlessness. That night. The week leading to the night. The silent times waiting in Daddy’s hospital room. Silence. Prayers. Tears. The sleepless night. The power cut the whole day. The crowded house. The funeral Mass. The grave. The week after. 

One of the fundamental fact of life is birth and death. Death is inevitable. Why does it hurt so much. The fragility of life. The huge void. Like I don’t have a mother to talk to. What did she do when I did this when i was JSK’s age I will never know. 

I wouldn’t have known what to do in a funeral. This time I knew. A hug. A comforting one. No words can soothe them. Nothing. I felt a bond. Like the motherless club. Or the parentless club. Her husband lost his mom on his birthday. The irony. Her dad passed away on their wedding anniversary. 

She has been very unlucky with lot of issues in her family. Sister divorced. She didn’t have kids. Mom fought long bone cancer. 

I pray she has the strength to get on with life. May God be her support.

My Thatha is almost giving up. How painful must it be. Appa has a help to help him with him. The hope is to bring him back to better health and then visit my brother next year. 

I keep going back to my what ifs. What if my father couldn’t have given his kidney? She could have lived a little longer? A suffering life I suppose. Which is better? A painful depressing life or life less? I cannot forget the last time I saw her face as she was wheeled into surgery. I was putting up a brave face for her. Did she know? I heard her voice on the phone at surgery and she said ‘ I cannot wait to get out of here ( the ICU)’ Amma, why didn’t you? 

Reading this book It is OK to be not OK. It is OK to feel the pain. It is okay to feel whatever you are feeling. I still cry, mostly in the car. After I talk to Dad. It has been only 3 months. I feels like forever. The only question I keep asking myself is WHY? WHY? WHY?

And then I read about this couple who died taking pictures at Taft point. We were at Taft point, last year. This news ruined it for me. you see some people at the ledge? Where they fell from. Some stupid folks asking why no rails. Really? Can you rail off the miles and miles of numerous cliffs that nature created over millions of years? It is not a man made amusement park, it is nature made National Park. Go at your  own risk. 

Nature is as dangerous as it is beautiful.


Any way apologize for the sob post.

We decided to hit Steve Jobs’s house for trick or treating which was a bad idea. It is just 2mi from our house. It was like a carnival with the street closed for vehicles. Steve jobs and Larry page live across from each other both do great Halloween. It was so crowded, I regretted the moment I got there. We ended up going to the near by streets away from their houses for some real trick or treating without long lines. We did go to Steve Jobs house, they had live music band and a zombie Olympic show and such. Five people were giving out candy one of them his wife. Other houses in the area also had stupendous decorations and multiple candy stops. Wizard of Oz and movies and dancing skeletons and such. Apparently in one house the guy said ‘ I will bring the candy bowl out and it should be empty in 10 seconds’ or something like that.  Kids just grabbed them. Apparently people come from all over the bay to trick or treat here. It was so crowded didn’t feel like taking any pictures. One lady was apparently doing politics giving out candy only if the kids said they don’t like Trump or something 😂

Overall good to visit once. Next time we will stick to our neighborhood, they are nice to go around too. Our bowl of Dum Dum lollipops which were carefully selected by dotter to be distributed for Halloween were empty.

JSK was a detective. Why don’t we have any girl detective costumes? I got a pink trench coat to go with fedora hat and look back coolers. And invisible ink pen and UV light and so on. And a notebook and pen to write her clues in.


Two parties for Halloween at work with pumpkin carving and dessert competition. I am done with pumpkin carving. 

My Halloween is always jinxed. I couldn’t attend dotter’s school parade, DH did. I had a VP review today morning at 8:30. And we had a prep meeting for it at 8:30pm last night.  Next week is crazy. 3 VP reviews and one exec review. In 5 days.  Shudder. I will be ready for that vacation by end of next week. 

That’s it for today.

Revisiting hikers high

This Saturday was a free one with no German class. We visited the newest national Park, Pinnacles national Park which was given the esteemed status only in 2013, before which it was a national monument. 

It is a small Park with only 30 mi of hiking trails. I researched quite a bit and zeroed in on one hike which would cover two interesting parts of the park.

JSK has done 5-6 miles with around 2000 ft elevation before. This hike was 9mi with about 1800 ft elevation. We decided to take our time and go slow and try to complete the hike.

Pinnacles national Park protects some beautiful volcanic talus formations which jut out into the sky making it almost otherworldly. We visited through the West entrance of the park. The East entrance and West entrance are not connected through the park, one has to drive 1.5 hrs outside the park to go between the two entrances or hike across like we were to. The park was not too crowded which was great, we were able to find parking at the Chapparel trail head when we arrived at 10:30am which is a big deal in California!

The trail signs were pretty good and the trail was very well marked most of the way.

We started a slow ascend getting at the formations towering around us, we were getting closer and closer to the talus formations as we continued hiking. JSK was having some trouble with the elevation because it was a pretty steep trail for her, 1500 ft within 2 miles. 



We named some rocks, we saw sleeping lion and thumbs up and dinosaurs and a Chinese man and a Japanese woman with a tall bun and many more. Pretty soon we were closer in elevation to many of the formations. We stopped at 12:30 for lunch and realized that unlike the usual hikes DH decided to pack very little snacks for the hike. Three oranges each. We had sandwiches for lunch with chips which just settled in a tiny corner of my stomach. We had three liters of water in all which got done pretty quickly because it was a hot day in the 80s. Dotter had packed one lollipop for each of us for snack.

We were walking among the high peaks after lunch sucking on the one lollipop each. Soon we were clamoring on rocks, and my heart rate increased quite a bit. Some steep climbing followed, this particular portion of the hike was rightly called steep and narrows. JSK was amazingly cautious with strong footholds and careful progression, very proud of her. She was very excited at this part of the hike until lunch she was dragging her feet along. 



And then came the narrows where we had to duck ourselves and follow the trail, the trail was actually cut out on a ledge of a rock. It was pretty cool and breathtaking. Funnest part of the hike. Although the heat and the workout can be exhausting. Slow and steady. More such ridges later with ups and downs,  me breathless finally we started the downward journey on the other side to the East entrance. It was a long 2-3 mi, which we hurried along because we were pretty late and wanted to make sure we could end the hike before sunset. Oranges gave some energy for JSK who was getting tired. We contemplated going back and shortening the hike but we needed water which was available only at the East entrance. We reached the water fountain on the other side of the park at 3:50. Two more hours to get back. We found water, didn’t bother if it was clean or not we just needed to quench our thirst. We had 3.3mi to go back, on a mostly flat slightly up hill hike around the rocks. I was heading the way, daughter was super tired and this was the longest she had ever done. DH found a ginger candy and an energy chew, a small bite to give her to keep her going. At one point we resorted to music and dance, daughter just needed some distraction to keep hey mind off the tired legs. We made up stories, we sang and we danced and we screamed and we laughed. 

We finally reached the second excitement of the hike, Balconies caves! These are not real caves dug in a rock, but caves formed by big rocks falling in narrows crevices closing off the top. 

It got slightly chilly because it was almost 5 pm when we reached the caves. It was quiet too. I went inside first and almost tried to squeeze myself into an impossibly small space thinking that was the way to go, until DH found another broader route to follow. A lot of clamoring up on rocks and once again dotter was very cautious. I guess I should stop marveling at her hiking and rock climbing skills because she is way better than me now and she is only going to get better than me. She was energetic and excited. Soon we entered the pitch dark cave. We had flash lights with us. I was a bit spooked out, but thankfully we found a couple other families coming the other way. It was beautiful though, a different experience. We didn’t see or hear any bats but the bats were there inside nevertheless. More clamoring up on rocks, there was no pathway or anything just clamoring up the nook and crannies. 


We came out the other side feeling accomplished. We meet a family with two small girls who didn’t have a flash light and DH gave one of ours to them. 
0.6 mi back to the trail head. We  slowed down because we thought we were almost there, we saw rock climbers climbing the impressive machete ridge, we didn’t stop and were looking for civilization a parking lot. At 6:15 just add the sun set we reached the car. Both dotter and I removed our shoes first, her hiking shoes have gotten smaller and my feet always hurt the most after a hike. We stretched, our tired muscles needed them. And piled into the car in search of some real food. 

We were so ravenous we over ordered and had to pack some back. My body was super charged I think, I slept only 6 hours and woke up as usual. But tired and sleepy today will sleep peacefully tonight before the usual mundane begins.

Overall enjoyed the break and the quiet park. Proud of dotter for making the entirety of the hike. Pinnacles are a beautiful park to be hiked and visited atleast once. Steep and narrows was my favorite part of the hike while the caves did it for DH and dotter. I am a sucker for peaks and heights. I love the familiar aches of the limbs, the dirty self, exhausted but super happy with the adrenaline rush and hikers high.

Ciao! 

All about today

My head is swimming with data data making sense of data. 

Today morning I had a review at 8am and I was sure as hell not prepared for it. I did what I do usually which sometimes riles up DH but I took dotter to piano class and just ditched all home responsibilities after and stared at data and PowerPoint. DH and dotter were reading by me and I just wanted some quiet and peace. I felt like I was flexing my brains. That’s why I like the head rush a new job gives. 

Plowed through some data and actually came to conclusions on my own which I had to convince others of. Peeling the onion layer after layer getting new insights as I dug deeper and deeper. I shut the laptop at 10 and closed my eyes but I was going through my presentation and reasoning. I used to mock at PowerPoint but just laying out stuff for executives to understand is not all that easy. Well atleast not to me. Yet.

Not sure when I feel asleep but woke up at 3:30am. Once again went through my talking points, listed all the updates needed while sleeping. Got up got ready and reached office at 6:45am. The last time I reached office so early was when I used to be in F town and living alone. But surprise I saw three VPs at that time in the office. It is a regular fare for them traveling from afar. Cafe was open thankfully with some peppy music. I didn’t feel sorry for myself for being such work so early. Some solid work later in was ready for the review. The review went okay, I didn’t feel I was up to the mark, my inferiority complex and negativity raised their ugly heads. I felt the need to impress, or atleast not disappoint. Thinking in terms of pure money and business and numbers and reasoning is new to me. Real world billion dollar businesses with real problems. I could make a long list of analytical reasoning questions for GMAT or case studies for MBA with my work issues. I am too old to get that MBA but may be I will get an executive one sometime. I also need to learn to blabber more. I need to learn to have opinions and defend them. I will get to do much more of these of an weekly basis. I interact with lawyers who are national debate champions and mostly MBAs who can talk talk talk. And finance folks who give guidance to the CEO! Filtering opinions based on previous knowledge is also a skill. 

So anyway, left office early to do some pumpkin carving  with dotter. Now sitting at the pool while daughter is in swimming class. Looks like she ready for the next level already next session. Plan is to stop swimming and do ice skating in winter.

I will probably work some more at night, get those rusty brain cells working after a long time. 😂😂

This ends Thursday.

When priorities go wrong

This weekend is over too, every weekend is one week closer to vacation!

Friday was the school’s annual ice-skating party. It was nice catching up with the parents. I felt dotter was really integrated in the school. She was skating with a few of her friends. I’ve tried to capture two of them and got some funny boomerangs, I think the friend got conscious when I said I was taking a picture. It happened a second time too! 😂

Saturday German class was funny. The teacher asks questions to us expecting us to answer in German. We are working on our if-then constructs. She was asking each of us what we would do during a conflict at work or at home. 

Ok DH had prepared an answer for conflict at home – that he would sleep it off. And I had prepared an answer for conflict at work – I would find a new job. Murphy’s law the teacher switched the questions on us. Neither of us had the presence b of mind or the German language skills to change our answers. So when she asked me what I would do if I had a disagreement with DH I said I would find a different man. 😂 And DH said he would sleep off of he had an argument at work and many had questions of he would sleep under his work desk 😂 Oh boy, it was one funny class. 

L and V or friend from Fremont visited in the evening, it was nice catching up. It is liberating to accept that I am not a good cook and just make something edible instead of getting nervous about what and how friends will eat. I made bisibelebath and kondakadalai kozhambu to eat with idli. Dotter was very nice with the younger  child. The Legos and puzzles were out along with paper and colors and scissors. The parents had a good time chatting as well.

Sunday we went to Napa. We picked a nice well rated restaurant to eat at. I am becoming a fan of eating good quality food in less quantity over lot of food. We rented some bikes and set out biking. Of course we had to stop multiple times, it was either JSK needing something or the two year old in the buggy needing something. Friend had a fall because I wanted to capture a cute moment of theirs where the guy was pulling the buggy with the daughter and holding the wife’s hand while she wasn’t pedaling. The moment I said  willI capture it, the wife braked and she fell on her knee. My worst nightmare. She took the fall surprisingly well, she was on her feet and biking within seconds. 

Moral is I should be careful taking pictures of others 😂😂

The bike store lady was super friendly she even took pictures of us and dotters glittering bike and helmet to put on the bike store Instagram. The men actually were on pink bikes, because the other bikes were to high for them. Real men are not afraid to ride pink bikes they said. After teaching or kids not to stereotype girls and boys they just had to live it. 

11 miles. We didn’t get to bike between the vineyards because we started from downtown which was a mistake in hind sight, we were biking in the side of road and winetrain tracks, even saw the train to by. It took a few miles to cross the city and houses and by the time we came to the fun part of the trail it was time to turn back. :–(

It’s fun nevertheless, with us zigzagging all the way daughter bonding with everyone. We have been going out with these guys since daughter was a year old they have seen her  grow and now they have a two year old. It was a fun trip.

We missed church, Pattu class, swimming time, but I guess once in a while it is okay?!

Back to Monday!

Back from another weekend!

I can say I had a 4 day weekend.

A weekend of Golu hopping, sundal eating. 

And a weekend like two days in Portland with some work sprinkled in. 😂

It was good t Ike to get to know my team and partners. We did the 4T Trail in Portland which gave a nice overview of Portland downtown. Portland is beautiful and I feel in love with it. 

The boss is a foodie so he picked some amazing places to eat. Again I was the only vegetarian and teetotaler. How can people drink so much?  After a long time I felt the need to up my sarcastic dry joking bone, I suck at it. How can I get better? Everyone is really nice in the team. I always come back feeling good. 

We actually hit an actual whisky bar after. These people had way too much energy. Members only whiskey room.


Morning we picked up donuts also a famous one. Blue Star. We were bringing them in to work when somebody asked if I needed help with it. I was serious and said no I can manage and then realized he was referring to help needed with eating it. 🤪 I am dense.

More work later, we headed for lunch and some golf. Golf? I have not played anything other than mini golf. I was the rookie. It was embarrassing. Again felt so fresh off the boat. 

I need to up my small talk game and smart ass jokes. This team remind me of my first team in the company so much fun and so friendly.

All this was fun, but I had a review today which I was not prepared for. It went kinda bad. But somehow everyone gave me a thumbs up! They were just being nice to me which is all the more embarrassing. But I know what I should better and I will do it. I have decided to be open about myself, this is a nice team where I can open up instead of pretending to be someone I am not.  I can see myself grow in this team and spend more time. Ok let me shut up before I jinx the whole thing.

What else? JSK was at a field trip yesterday, DH chaperoned along with all the other mothers. Art Center. Also cooked dinner. I am thankful. Last week I was in her class two days in a row, reading and math volunteer. It is always fun to be in their class and honestly I feel like they are working so hard suddenly. Everyday an hour of math and worksheets. 

She has math homework everyday which probably takes her 10 minutes to do. She has to learn spelling words. And read for 20 minutes each day. We don’t count the time she reads on her own, only the time she reads with us. They have tests or assessments every other week. We don’t do any studying for it just wing it. It’s getting all serious.

She is still into Geronimo and Thea Stilton. She picked Dork Diaries which I told her we not age appropriate. Today she was reading Malory Towers which we got from India and I was so excited to hear her talk about the famous midnight feast! Of course I was immediately transported to my school days dreaming of the girls and their midnight feast on their boarding school. Nostalgia! DH had been reading with her, I haven’t in a while.

She is into making cartoon books now. She seems to enjoy writing and drawing. No flair for STEM seen so far. Sometimes I wonder well just once actually I wondered if I should have had another kid a boy just so I could enjoy Legos and electronics and obsession with trains and cars. But no energy or time thank you. She will probably get there sometime. She does love Legos. Her friend has this American doll and she is saving up to buy one because am not going to buy it for her. DH is trying to give her money for somethings, not for doing her own work but for doing something out of her way. She folded her clothes the other day during her precious free time in the evening to get a dollar. I felt bad to see her do it. Today she was invited for Kanya Pooja at her friends place and got $5, she was so excited! Honestly I don’t want to get her the American doll, isn’t she too old for dolls? But I am sure she will cherish this doll the most because she has had to work for it. 

Friend situation is good. She is close with a girl who seems nice. No negative energy, the girl genuinely seems to like her. Overall school is going well.

DH turned 39. 39! Celebrated with dinner at Crepevine. After many weeks off no eating out, the past two weeks have been a lot of eating out for Work and occasions. 2020 will be a big year with us turning 40 and or marriage turning 15. Need to plan for it.

Appa is managing with Thatha Patti being busy. Amma is in my thoughts everyday, daughter wore Pattu pavadais for golu, picked by Mommy. She would have loved to see her in that. It hurts to know she would never see her grow up. I always sent her my songs and she would comment on them. Amma loved us unconditionally, no body can love us the way she did and I will miss her forever.